Craig's Personals. WTF are People Thinking?

Recently while looking on Craig's List for a new (used) tv, I saw the personals section. Always one to get a kick out of personal ads, I decided to read a few. What I saw really made me shake my head in disbelief.

Sunday, December 23, 2007

sexy feet in platforms - w4m - 25

Are you sweet, responsible, and descent???
If so please contact me so I can fix up my joyless life and possibly be with a intelligent guy for once!

She wants to be with a intelligent guy for once. Good one!
I'm thinking first she should notice it is 'aN intelligent', not 'a intelligent' and then maybe she should know the difference between descent and decent. Unless she is looking for a intelligent man that is on the downside of life?

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Non Flaky / Non rip off hookup avail??? - w4m - 30

My boyfriend and I just dumped our dude -- he no shows and stuff, sporadically.
We just need a local solid tree vender...seems simple but... ?

Am I missing something here? Non flaky/non rip off is what she is looking for. Her boyfriend and her just dumped their dude for not showing up. And they need a solid tree vender.

I wish I could help. Frankly, I would not now where t start!

Saturday, December 8, 2007

can we play in bed - w4m - 21

Do you like stripper shoes? I have 147 pairs and pictures on me in all of them. If you would like to see a video on me on the pole, email me and I'll tell you where to find it.

Do I like stripper shoes? Of course I do. I own 150 pairs. Unfortunately for this girl, I only hook up with women who own more pairs than I. at a WHOPPING 147 pair, she falls just short. Maybe her mom has a few pair she can borrow?

Saturday, December 1, 2007

Don't be shy - w4m - 36

I love sex because it's exercise that's fun. It would be awesome if you'd just get on top and drill me. I'm 5 foot 2, 110 pounds, and damn cute if I say so myself. I'm eager to do this.

Excercise that's fun? Running to the fridge for another beer during a commercial is fun exercise as well. Plus, that takes longer than sex.

Saturday, November 24, 2007

Miss Piggy is coming to town and looking for some fun.... - w4m - 33

Ever wanted to have fun with a big sexy women? This is your chance. If you are into big butts and even fatter tights I will be the women for you ! I am 5'4 and 206 pound heavy and definitly know how to work this body....Interested? E-mail me, I will be in town from Nov 25 - 28....

WOW. Just wow. I mean, what else can be said?

average companion for LTR sex - w4m - 21

Hey I am Christine, thirty eight year old trashy girl in search of funny guy to engage in no hassle NSA sex. I am looking for a sexy friend with benefits and no more. I need a guy that isn't offended when I ask him to lick my asshole. I went out for drinks tonight and I'm looking for a guy with NSA. I'd love to get to know you so send me some pics and tell me some things about you.

What is with this woman? I think she suffers from low self esteem. First she says in her title she is "average". Then in the first line of her body she calls herself "trashy". Low self esteem or not, she is the first honest girl on CL! If you're not offended by her asking you to lick her asshole then by all means give her a call. Perhaps it could go something like this.
"Hello Christine?
I'm answeting your CL ad. I'm an average trashy guy.
Great, will you lick my asshole?
Yea, I'm not offended that at all. By the way, can I punch your head repeatedly as we fuck?
Sure, I have no self esteem at all. I like ot be a punching bag.
OK, I am on my way."

Friday, November 9, 2007

Period Play ??? - w4m - 28

I have my period but I am still looking to play NO that does not mean I only want to blow you or give you a hand job lol I want my pussy licked and I want to have sex any one interested?? I have pics so drop me a line if you are up for your wings :)

Did she say "Are you up for your wings"? For some reason I was always under the impression that "blood wings" was a term only guys knew. I guess I stand corrected. I'm sure we are all very curious if this girl gets any responses. I know she will. This IS creepslist personal ads after all.

Here is a sample response she could get.

Hey period girl,
My name is Mike, but my friends call me Dracula. I am a vampire and i would love to drink your menstrual flow. I am single and live in a coffin in my moms basement. Call me: 1-800-ima-loser. This is a picture of me and my cat.

In closing, I would just like to add....WTF is this woman thinking?

Thursday, November 8, 2007

Russian handsome Guys - 29

any handsome russian guys want to take me out on a date? please send me your picture and a few words about you.

Дата? Вы одеваете в вне первая дата? If not после этого вы изгоняете к Сибирю. Идет Wench!

any handsome (or did she really mean"HAND-some") Russian guys

Monday, November 5, 2007

thrust into my clam ham, your love muscle - w4m

posted here because I'm getting tired of the bar scene. I'm looking for a man who is outgoing, smart and healthy. I need someone who likes to go out and have fun. If you have inquiries feel free to ask me in I am not showing

Not much to say about this post really, but the title just struck me as funny. It amazes me the endless ways people can come up with to describe their "private parts". Clam ham? First time I heard that one!

Friday, November 2, 2007

desperate pregnat women - w4m - 19

I am a single pregnat chick looking for some hot cock one time and one time only.. if you have a big cock and ready to use it hit me up must have pic.. to get pic

I wonder how this girl got pregnant to start with? Sorry....I meant pregnat. Sounds better as pregnat. More redneck-ish. Hmmmm, redneck, banjos...Lets write a song!

Sung to the music of the Beverly hillbillies.

Come and listen to the story of a whorey little tramp
A cum starved mom who needed someone in her pants
Then one day while trolling for hot cock in her "pan"

Out from her crotch came another dysfunctional member of the clan.

Retard that is. Incest. Brain Damage.

Well, that's all I have time for now.
Thanks to Johnny-on-the spot for pointing this gem out to me!

Thursday, November 1, 2007

Sunday brunch - w4m - 24

Hello, I’m in town for a wedding this weekend and would like to meet someone to explore the city with. I’m 27, a mortgage broker from Portland OR, single, and outgoing. I’m not into macho men that solely play on their looks. I’d like to met someone who is intelligent, laidback, and can make me laugh. Please send me an email if you’re interested in hanging out. A picture of yourself would also be appreciated. :) Mindy

WOW! I may contact this woman! I can't go wrong for 2 reasons.
1) As she states, she does not like men that play on their looks. Since I am a troll, I would be perfect for her.
2) My name being Mork may help me with this woman. (if you are not old enough to get this joke...)

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Lonely Spinster Seeks Dinner and a Screw - w4m - 41

I'm just a lonely woman who would like to meet an attractive gentleman and be taken out to dinner at a nice location and then given some GOOD sex.
Please no married men or otherwise attached. Send a pic and your interests in food and sex.

I thought it odd that this woman refers to herself as "spinster". A spinster is a woman who has never been married and who are regarded as beyond the normal age for marriage. But she is 41. that isn't too old!

The odd part is the fascination with dinner. She wants dinner and tells you that your reply to her should mention your interests in food. Is this post by Rosie O'donnell?

I wanted so badly to reply to her with: Funny you should ask about my food and sex interests, as they both involve Hostess Twinkies. I love shoving a twinkie in my brown eye, squeezing my cheeks and feeling the creme shoot out. Then when the twinkie is limp, I release my cheeks. You think she would have replied?

Friday, October 19, 2007

BJ Queen - w4m - 42

Who wants to be the judge?

Yup, that is the whole post. I am heading out with some of the guys in a few minutes, but decided to see if there was any good posts before I went. I saw this post and now I can't stop thinking of Abba's dancing Queen. Since one can't leave it at that, I decided to see if the lyrics would work.

You can blow you can jive, having the time of your life
See that girl, watch that scene, dig in the BJ queen

Friday night and the lights are low
Looking out for the place to blow
Where they play the right music, getting in the swing
You come in to look for a king
Anybody could be that guy
Night is young and the rod is high
With a bit of spit, everything is fine
You’re in the mood for a bj
And when you get the chance...

You are the BJ queen, young and sweet, only seventeen
BJ queen, feel the beat from the tambourine
You can BJ, you can jive, having the time of your life
See that girl, watch that scene, dig in the BJ queen

Well, that settles it. BJ queen could be the comeback hit Abba is looking at!
They owe it all to some craigs list slut!!

I want to go to the Red Sox game Saturday - w4m - 19

I'll be your "date" for the game tomorrow night ... you provide the tix and I'll provide the under 40, at least decent looking (must send a face pic and stats)... would be willing to be shared by two or three guys ( I know tix are expensive), but they would all have to be really hot....come on guys wanna see Big Papi score a homerun ... you might too

This little girl (yes....19 is a little girl) starts out innocently enough. She wants to go to a sox game. But she throws in this line "Would be willing to be shared by two or three guys". OK...STOP. She is basically saying: "I'm a prostitute, and I don't mind banging 3 guys at once".

But the best par of it is this: she s a prostitute that works on the barter system. What she needs is a menu of items.
  • Suck 1 of my tits.....give me a flashlight
  • Suck 2 of my tits....I need a sleeping bag
  • Lick my toes...a bucket of Ramen Pride noodles.
  • See me naked....$20 in tokens to Chucky cheese.
  • Fuck me....Living room end table from crate and barrel.
  • Have 3 guys fuck me....looking for red sox playoff tickets.

well, I think that covers it.

Seeking Millionaire Man - 36

I am a single, smart, sexy girl, with a great smile, lots of naughtiness and passion who is seeking a guy who can spoil me, take me places, shop at Tiffany's, dine in all the finest restaurants in Boston. Would love to meet a man who is smart, confident, sexy, successful and rich. Someone who is exciting, who loves the finer things in life, quick witted, a good conversationalist. Someone who shops at Brooks Brothers, looks damn good it a tie, can afford to go to a Patriots game, will take me shopping for Jimmy Choos...bonus if you have a summer home somewhere fabulous, or a yacht to head to the Bahamas...if any of this sounds like you...find me soon...

As if the over the top sexual posts were not funny enough. Today I saw this gem. Is this woman really looking for a rich guy? On craig's list? Bitch is in for a small surprise I'd say. In order to help her out, I think I'll reply to her post A simple email with the following should help her out: GET A FUCKING JOB YOU LAZY SLUT!

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

seeking married man ,house wife, needs more - w4m - 34

seeking married man ,house wife, needs more just as it sais, can't get any at home, so for the first time after 12 yrs., i'm stepping out, and i would like it all,very descreet please , 124lbs, fit, 36b , blk hair, my friends call me cute, i agree w/them ,i need what's coming to me, d&d free , please no weirdo's, thanks.

OK, where I start on this entry??
2) Your friends say you're cute? Right, so cute that your own husband will not fuck you. They are your friends and they are being nice. try getting some honest friends that will be truthful.
3) No weirdos? You DO know you're posting to craigs list in search of an unfaithful man to fulfill your own unfaithful fantasies. You're ONLY going to get weirdos! As a mater of fact, you ARE one!

Don't stop riding my flesh hole baby! - w4m

I'm seeking for some nice, clean guy to perform oral sex with me. I am 27 years old, 5'4", 120lbs. I don't like guys who have health issues, boring, and disrespectful. Casual encounter only! curious? contact me on ZZZZZZZZZZZZ

This little minx sure does have a way with the english language doesn't she. Nothing like the term "flesh hole" to get one's afternoon kicked off correctly. Oddly enough she is posting to Craig's List looking for men to ride her flesh hole, yet she does not want anyone disrespectful. Not sure you're going to find anyone fitting that description here dear. I was going to reply to her, but I have a health issue. I'm also a bit boring if you must know.

I need a fat white guy over 40 to smash my kitty

As far as headlines go, this was a real eye grabber. I mean who does not get excited when they read "I need a fat white guy over 40 to smash my kitty"? Even though I am not fat, who doesn't enjoy a good kitty smashing? The body text had this gem of a line in it: "looking for a fat bald white guy to pump me up. only fat white bald guys"

Is this woman for real? Obviously not. I hope! Ladies beware, this is going to be my new pickup line. Imagine being in a bar, catching the eye of some hot chick, walking across the bar, and saying "I'd like to smash your kitty". I'm sure it will work. Stay tuned.